Note to self

Start with yourself, because it’s the only thing you have. 

I find myself being more and more at peace with the world. I feel like the war I’ve been having inside my head is slowly coming to an end. I’m growing and I can feel it in the depths of my whole being. It’s more like I’m blooming. I feel more present. I guess being present doesn’t only mean to be aware of your surroundings, but more than that, to be deeply connected and touched by it. 

I often think about how lucky I am to be here, alive and free. Regardless of what have happened in the last two months, I’ve survived and kept going in moments of doubts and insecurities, in moments I wanted to disappear and die on my own. I am terrified because I have no clue where I’m going to end up, but maybe that’s what being free is? When you find yourself in a place where there is no right or wrong way, but only endless possibilities. I’ve stopped asking myself if this is what I’m supposed to do because I now know there is no answers. Only my actions will lead me to where I’m predestinated to be. 

I am small and I am alone, nevertheless, I have myself. So I will start with what I have: with my insecurities, my fears and doubts. I will start with a word, with a line. I will start on my own. My mind is my home, and I will start here. One step after another, I will find peace along the way. 

— Tumtitu

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